How to Increase After-School Communication & Regulation for Children
“How was school today?”
If your kiddo usually responds with “nothing,” “stuff,” “I forgot,” or “I don’t know,” it may not mean they don’t want to talk to you.
“How was your day?” is actually a BIG question!
To answer it, kids have to remember what happened, organize their thoughts, decide what is important to share, find the right words, and turn it all into a story. That’s a lot of language processing—especially after a long day at school!
Here are some ways to make communication feel easier:
1. Make the Question Smaller
Instead of asking about the entire day, focus on one moment:
“Did you play tag or swing at recess?”
“Who did you sit with at lunch?”
“What toy did you play with?”
“What is one thing you learned in math?”
2. Try Comments Instead
Comments can reduce the pressure to respond:
“I wonder what you made in art today!”
“I saw you walking out with your friends!”
“Your backpack looks really full today!”
This gives your child an opportunity to join the conversation when they're ready.
3. Model Sharing
Tell them about your day! Share a few details about what happened, how you felt, or something funny that happened. This naturally models how to organize and share experiences.
4. Don't Forget Decompression
Not every car ride home needs to be filled with conversation. Your child may need time to regulate and recharge after a busy day.
Offer choices like:
🎵 Music | 📖 Story | 👀 I Spy | 🤫 Quiet Time | 💬 Chat
5. When You Hear “I Don't Know…”
Try making the question smaller, more specific, or more playful instead of asking the same question again.
Remember: “I don’t know” doesn’t always mean “I don’t want to tell you.” Sometimes it means “I don’t know where to start.”
Communication doesn't always have to mean asking more questions. Sometimes, less pressure creates more opportunities for connection.
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